Resolutions for 2013

Everyone is familiar with New Year Resolutions. That is when you decide to work out everyday, never eat candy again, read a new book every week, never leave dirty clothes on the floor, always be nice to your spouse in the morning..... all that stuff you forget about in a month. When it comes to horses I usually find myself thinking about goals in the fall. I am not sure why. Maybe it is because after the crazy activity of summer I start to feel more introspective as a way to balance myself. Some of it is the fact that show season starts to wrap up at the end of the summer so you look back over what you accomplished and think about where you want to go next year. Here in Oregon (and in Alaska) it is difficult to ride outside in the winter so we are often forced inside. Once inside it is nice to have some goals to look forward during those long dark days.

As you get to know me you will realize that I am against pushing young horses. They don't finish growing until 5 or 6 which means it is so easy to cause long term damage in those early years. When I round pen/lunge I keep it at 20 mins or less because all those circles aren't good on their maturing bones/ligaments. If I get on him before he is 3 it will be just to sit on him for a few minutes bareback. Once he is 3 he won't be worked very hard under saddle. I believe in short rides of 20 mins or so for those first 6 months. Slow and easy will give him a better chance at staying sound for a long time. However, I still have some goals for us! My goals for his first year under saddle won't include any statements about the quality of work I expect out of him such as "An energetic working trot, soft downward transitions, bend in the circles." I have no idea where his strengths/weaknesses will lie. And he is a baby. The only thing I expect out of him is go button, a stop button, and some level of steering. Other than that his first year will just be about experiences, not about how he performs. Soooo here are my resolutions for the next 12 months.........

1) Attend two shows before next summer. "Wait, wait" you say "He isn't even under saddle yet, are you nuts?" I am totally nuts for many reasons but not because I want to start showing him right away. We have tons of very low key schooling shows in the area. I am not worried about how he looks or what score we will get. As soon as I feel like he has go button, and brakes, I want to start taking him places. The more he can get used to showing now, the less stress it will be once I am actually a little more serious.

2) Participate in a combined training event next year at this time. Don't panic!! I won't be jumping him. There are trot a pole classes that won't require any thing that resembles a jump. He won't be jumping until he is five. It will just be a fun low key way to expose him to different types of events all in one show.

3) Ride in a clinic next summer. I have a few ideas about who I want to ride with. I am not looking for an intense clinician just yet. I would like to find someone who understands young horses. I plan to start auditing clinics this winter so I can make a good decision.

4) Go on at least two away trail rides. We have fantastic trails nearby and I can't imagine owning a horse who I can't trail ride. As comfortable as it would be just to take Bre on the rides I need to start working on the baby right away if he is to ever have a chance to live up to Bre's trail prowess.

If I find myself in one piece, with no broken bones, and a happy horse after accomplishing these goals I will feel like a winner. Ok, now to start my starvation diet so I can feel OK about white breeches. I will start right after I finish this pepsi..........

Bre's first show ten years ago when she was four. I hope Dickie is far less exciting than Bre was.

Finally some video of him moving around.... (VIDEO PROBLEM FIXED)

Sorry the video looks like a drunk person took it. It is on my iphone and I have realized that it is hard to chase a horse and keep a steady hand. I am so happy he has a bigger arena. He is already more confident and balanced now that he has more room.

http://youtu.be/eV4tM0syJV4

http://youtu.be/rTUpkeCw0z4

Now you should be able to view the videos as long as you have the link ;)

Back In the Saddle

I have covered the fact the Bre is semi retired from serious riding because she plateaued and has soundness issues when pushed past 1st level. As I huffed myself up the hill between Dickie's and Bre's I realized I am so out of shape that I would probably pass out if I rode an intro test let alone first level. The frequency of my riding slowed 3 years ago when I started pre-requisites for nursing school. Once I got into nursing school I started a strict diet of macaroni and coffee (preferably with some sort of very sugary creamer). Between work, studying, and clinical hours the only form of exercise I engaged in was carrying my books to and from school.

At the top of the hill I was out of breath, weak in the legs, and my face was red as a lobster. An old riding friend arrived to meet Dickie and found me still dripping with my shoes/socks strewn about the aisle way in an attempt to cool off. She used to be my riding partner in crime. We boarded on the edge of some amazing trails. We would be gone for 3 hours and would have spent least half of the ride in two point. Sadly, our adventures weren't all that long ago. I started nursing school two years ago this fall and was still riding, albeit with less frequency, at that point.  

At one point while playing with the ponies, my friend and I discussed how the perfect person to lease either of our mares would be someone looking to get back into dressage. It clicked at that moment that I was describing myself. I am that out of shape adult who used to have some talent but needs to start over. Dickie is the horse for my in shape self but I have a long way to go before that self appears again. In the end it always leads back to Bre. After all those years of training Bre the time has come for her to train me. And what an amazing trainer she is. If you ask correctly she gives, she turns from your seat, goes forward with a whisper of  your leg, is as light as feathers in the bridle. She is a bouncy ride so its like trying to stay on a pilates ball with a mind of its own. Just trotting her around the arena with help build up stamina and core muscles. 

Looking at old riding pictures reminds me that I can lose weight and I can get in enough shape to ride again. I might tip the scales at the almost highest weight of my life and be at my most appalling as far as stamina. That isn't the end of the world though. I was even more overweight and out of shape one other time. That was when Bre was 3 and as green as grass. Back then she needed me to help teach her confidence and to prove she wasn't a dangerous horse. Eleven years later (to the month) I find myself coming back to Bre and asking her to help me.

When I had enough stomach muscles to ride bareback (taken in Alaska but I was actually in better riding shape 4 years ago) 

Major flashback of me with my TB mare (right) when I rode hard everyday. 

Back in the days when we could be gone all day then be just as fresh the next morning (not long before RN school). 

Drama queen

If my entry for the day is a bit disjointed I is because I wrote it on my iPhone. We had such an amazing session tonight that I had to give an update on his progress. Yesterday I stopped by to work with the boy before heading off to see the country classic. He has settled in to his new home and is feeling sassy. We went into the arena to work on some basic ground manners. I discovered that he really likes to bite. He bites his lead rope, he carries his fly mask like a trophy after getting it off, and he thinks it is his right to bite my sweatshirt when I am wearing it. When we went into the arena he started right off annoyed because I laid down the law that humans are not lunch. In addition I had the nerve to actually make him work. All of this resulted in a royal tantrum rearing and all. He's a smart boy though and realized pretty quickly that he was wearing himself out and I will still standing in the same spot not even breaking a sweat. We ended the session as always with lots of love and scratches

Today he showed me what an amazing smart boy he is. We went for our regular walk up to Bre's barn. We usually have a two year old moment when going past the pomeranians that puts my poor toes at risk. Today he remembered how to move away from me instead of expecting me to carry him. At the arena there wasn't even a trace of drama. I suspected he understood what I was asking yesterday and was just objecting. He was a dream. He move his front legs over, lunged at a walk, practiced standing at the mounting block, and let me sit on the top of the arena above him. He seemed to truly enjoy his job tonight. Our walk home was the best yet. All of the cows, goats, sheep, and dogs were out being extra noisy tonight and he looked to me before deciding how scary things were.

I love how smart my boy is. I also love that he not above a temper tantrum here and there. I like a challenge and some personality in a horse. He has enough personality for ten horses. I wish I had new pictures but he's so in your pockets that all I can get is a nostril.

Intensity

As I get ready for a new career and to start working with a new horse I have been reflecting on why horses are such a wonderful match for me. It is because they temper my natural intensity. When I try out a new sport or study a new subject I want to be the best. When I was a pre-teen I went ice skating with a few friends for a birthday party and was terrible. I fell down constantly and couldn't even make it a lap around the rink. I immediately asked for lessons and in a year I had advanced to a level that it takes most several years. I was never a great skater but in that first year I was landing single jumps and it looked like I would be able to start landing doubles before long. Unfortunately, the intensity with which I attacked this new sport was my downfall. I pushed myself so hard that I had bruises all over my body. I was so thin that I didn't have the energy to keep doing it. I ended up quiting because my feet were so painful that I couldn't skate for more than a few minutes without wanting to rip my skates off. I didn't quit because I lost interest I did so because I burnt myself out. My first year of college I took calculus, biology, chemistry, psychology. I jumped right in at a rigorous private college known for their strong science programs and for a time did well. Then health problems brought me to a screeching halt. For several years I couldn't work or go to school. I don't doubt that my inability to slow myself down and to balance peace with constant doing played a huge part in this.

During the period when I wasn't able to work or attend college I found horses. I was lucky enough to start as a working student at a local dressage/event barn. I had five or six lessons as a kid so I was a very green beginner. I still don't know why she decided to take on a person who didn't even know how to put a halter on. I attacked riding just like I had any other obstacle I faced. Six months after my first lesson I was riding a hot thoroughbred in shows and clinics and doing well. In less than a year I was schooling cross country and attended my first event. I wasn't anything fancy but I had progressed fast for my first year in a saddle. Then my sensitive mare started bucking me off after fences outside on the rock hard ground. After getting the wind knocked out of me a few times I lost my nerve over fences. I think it was her way of telling me to slow down. Riding is a partnership and every moment is something to be cherished, not just the blue ribbons or big jumps.

And no matter how bad things are going you can't just put them in a closet like a pair of skates. They are there waiting for you with a sweet face and nicker when you are in so much pain you don't want to go on. The most wonderful thing about riding is that it is a relationship. In individual sports there is nothing there to stop you from pushing too hard or doing something too many times in the pursuit of perfection. The horse always stops me. If I get frustrated or angry that I can't get something the horse  an feel it before I do. They don't know I am only angry at myself. I never want my horse to think I am upset with them so thinking about that partnership brings me back from the brink of being too intense. Riding horses who are green, hot, or abused have made me even more self aware of when I am pushing too hard. They let me know when we have done a movement one to many times, when the same pattern is boring, when I am distracted from a bad day at work, when I am pulling too hard, or driving them too fast.

I know it isn't in me to just be a recreational rider who enjoys a trail ride here or there. I wish it was. It would be cheaper and less time consuming ;) Over the last few years I have tried to convince myself that a few laps around the arena is worth it to me. I can't deny it though I miss the thrill of doing something new, of jumping over something when I am scared, and of a dressage test well ridden. My mind never stops and horses are the one thing that fully consumes my mind and body. However, each time I work with a horse towards our new goal I am getting far more than a blue ribbon. I am getting that reminder of the power of well timed deep breath and of the peace you can find when you can allow your mind to let go of the hustle of life. In the process I have learned how to accept imperfections. I have learned that there is beauty in almost getting something right. Sometimes the greatest triumph is just getting from point A to point B alive. There is pride in finding a different way to get to the end result even if it took twice as long as it "should have". It gives me goose bumps to think I will be getting back into that part of riding. As always I know that the lessons I will learn with my four legged friends will make me a better, calmer, more tolerant person, and hopefully less intense person.

Big Changes

Next week will be a big week. I start a new job working at a major medical center here in Portland with my shiny new RN license. I currently work there in inpatient psych and decided that it would be best for my long term career to work do something other than psych for a few years. I have worked in psych for over a decade now and see myself growing old and grey in that field. However, I know that building up my general medical knowledge will be so important and will open me up to many opportunities. Having a well rounded background will make it easier for me to get a job should my partner and I ever decide to move elsewhere. It will also allow me to do outreach work in other countries. And most importantly it will make me a better nurse practitioner once I decide to go to grad school. The new job will be taking care of people receiving kidney and liver transplants. It is a challenging area of nursing which is very exciting to me. I can't wait to get started!!! The position will be working graveyard. This shift makes me both excited and terrified. I will earn significantly more money, which is a huge pro. My goal over the next year is to take my partner on a tropical trip, buy a house, and take care of my ponies. The pace will also be slower which will allow me to really get to know my patients and do research about their needs while at work. I love a fast pace but I plan on using down time to learn as much as I can as fast as I can. I think once I get used to it this is going to be a wonderful shift for me in my first year of nursing. 

Working overnights isn't without worries for me though. I have bipolar disorder, which has been very stable for years. Since I have been to Oregon I haven't had more than minor dips in my mood in the winter and before that I was stable as well. I know that I will be able to get sleep working graves because I tend to sleep better during the days anyway. I do worry that I will sleep away the days and not get enough light. That was a big problem for me in AK and I still get down in the winters here. I worry that I won't be motivated to do anything when I get up because I am on such a strange schedule. Luckily I will soon have a special weapon in my back pocket. A big 16h four legged weapon. One thing I know about myself is that I will always get up and be motivated if I have a pony depending on me. No matter how down I feel I find a way to work with my horse. Riding is the one thing that will pull me through on the darkest days. Better yet riding usually keeps me on an even keel so things never get dark and sad. It gives me structure, it keeps my mind busy, and motivates me to eat healthier and exercise. Nursing is a stressful career. The 12 hour days, sick and upset patients, working weird hours and missing out on sunlight. It might seem insane to add an extra expense/stress to the mix with a young horse. I know myself though and know that this will make me a better person through it all. I will be in better shape to go on hikes and trips with my honey. I will be more sane and able to pick up extra shifts. And I will just be happier all around. 

There will soon be more to come on this guy :)

Journeys

The saga of Bre's feet continues. The vet came out today because she has been lame since last Weds. We thought that Bre was going to have her first year with no abscesses but it is looking like she foiled my plans to start riding her again. She heard all my hollering about becoming a registered nurse and decided she was not ready to come out of retirement. I worried about her all weekend. It is so hard to know when to call the vet. Her abscesses generally pop in 3-5 days and I decided to call since she wasn't getting better. Of course today when I called her in from the pasture she comes trotting up almost 100% sound. Looks like a few days of having a diaper and duct tape on her hoof did the trick. Too bad that she didn't pull out of it before the vet was called. It was still peace of mind to have a professional look at her and agree with my assessment. 

Looking at Bre today I started feeling sentimental about our journey together. I have finally truly accepted that Bre will not be the show horse that I had hoped for one day. I know I wouldn't trade my years with her for a second though. I have learned so much about myself through training her. I have learned how to push forward when I am so scared that I want to squeal and run. I know that I can find answers to problems I didn't even know existed. I think, more than any the "book smarts" I have, the confidence and problem solving skills I honed training Bre make me a better nurse and mental health worker. There were so many times when I should have been terrified over a big exam, skills test, or new clinical site but I told myself "If you can survive a 1,200 lb horse trying to flip over on you this is no big deal." So much of who I am today has been built by what I have done with horses. As much as I love Bre though I miss riding seriously so much it aches sometimes. I dream about riding, being in clinics, and jumping a course. I miss going into the arena every day and having a problem to solve. I miss that rush of figuring out a way to teach my horse a new skill. Because of this I am very excited to be adopting a horse so I can start back on that journey. It has been so hard not having a horse to work with. Bre is amazing and so well trained that it takes three rides to get her back to where we left off years ago. Then we can't go any further because both emotionally and physically it is too hard for Bre. 

On a happy note Bre had a young gal come out to ride her last week. I have been hoping to find a lease on Bre to help out with care and provide her some love. Bre loves to be ridden and I still like to take her on trail rides. It will be great to have someone to keep her fit enough that I can take her on a trail ride and not have her huffing and puffing. The new rider won't push her as much as I would in the arena. She will be perfect. 

Bre is more than capable of taking this gal along as far as she wants to go until she graduates from HS. She is well trained, has a good mind, is close to bomb proof, and loves attention. She used to jump but isn't looking for anything serious. If she decided to be more serious Bre could easily do some low cross rail classes and school up to 1st level dressage. When she came out to ride her I was holding my breath because Bre is really fussy about who she wants to ride her. She just had someone come out and Bre wouldn't go, wouldn't steer, or would walk like a drunkard. If someone gets on her and doesn't ride with their seat/legs or is trying to push her forward with their legs but is saying stop with their seat she balks. I can't even count on my fingers how many people have tried this mare only to get off in disgust. I knew from the second this young lady got on her that Bre loved her. Bre went ride into fancy show horse mode and was mellow as could be. I am thrilled that finally Bre will have a person to lease her. The girl was calm, listened to what Bre had to say, picked up on cues from Bre, and was so soft with her body.

Things feel like they are coming full circle. I have graduated from nursing school, have the most amazing partner ever, have someone to help with my Breedle, and a new project pony.